Onemanbandwidth

I own some 180 domain names. Ya, I know… It is a hobby that went mad so slowly I barely noticed it needed medicating.

I originally bought them to be able to offer them up to businesses, NGOs and NPOs who could use an SEO boost by way of  decent URL. Lots of folks have benefited from my obsession (Guangzhou-Restaurant.com, China-Speakers-Bureau.com, Disaster-Relief-Shelters.org and many more), but I came up with a new plan while teaching a class on corporate social responsibility while ad-libbing possible ways anyone could do some social good even in a small way. It is not how much you do, it is that you do anything at all. It is like we used to say in the military: follow, lead or get the hell out of the way.

For two years now I have wanted to provide funds to “Coffee” so she is able to purchase a new prosthetic leg and finances have not allowed me. For 2.5 years I have dreaded the (and I hate this word) inevitable return of Ms Yue’s cancer. The former is much needed so she can ambulate in a country that discriminates heavily against those withobvious  handicaps  and the latter has reared its ugly head: late stage treatment will be needed, but will be incredibly expensive and possibly out of the question. Ms Yue lost her insurance only four months before being diagnosed and at 130USD a month her savings did not amount to much.

Here are a few of the domains that will be sold. John Guangzhou will be setting up an interface and I hope they will go fast. Our goal is $36,000 USD. Enough for a leg and two Herceptin Chemo sessions for Ms Yue.I will be throwing in 2 hours of SEO/PR assistance for any site bought for 300USD or more.

3d-animation-studio.com
	October 06, 2008	October 06, 2010	Active
8-8-8.ws
	July 09, 2007	July 09, 2009	Active
advertise-on-baidu.com
	April 30, 2008	April 30, 2009	Active
american-college-rankings-online-mba.us
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2009	Active
american-professor.com
	February 14, 2008	February 14, 2009	Active
ancient-china.us
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2009	Active
any1butbush.com
	June 28, 2004	June 28, 2009	Active
asia-news-network.com
	October 17, 2008	October 17, 2009	Active
asian-dating-site.us
	April 11, 2007	April 10, 2010	Active
asshats.info
	July 05, 2008	July 05, 2009	Active
audacity.bz
	February 14, 2008	February 14, 2009	Active
baidu-advertising.com
	April 30, 2008	April 30, 2009	Active
baidu-blog.com
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
beijing-2008-pictures.com
	October 24, 2007	October 24, 2009	Active
beijing-china-2008.us
	October 18, 2007	October 17, 2009	Active
beijing-games.us
	October 18, 2007	October 17, 2009	Active
beijing-olympics.us
	March 01, 2008	February 28, 2009	Active
beijingolympics.ws
	February 29, 2008	February 28, 2009	Active
blogdamnit.com
	July 25, 2005	July 25, 2016	Active
bring-on-the-band.com
	February 15, 2008	February 15, 2009	Active
business-consultants-asia.com
	November 30, 2008	November 30, 2009	Active
business-consultants-hong-kong.com
	November 30, 2008	November 30, 2009	Active
cheap-calls-overseas.com
	July 19, 2008	July 19, 2009	Active
cheap-international-phone-calls.net
	July 19, 2008	July 19, 2009	Active
cheap-telephone-card.com
	July 19, 2008	July 19, 2009	Active
chicago-dental-implants.com
	April 01, 2008	April 01, 2009	Active
china-air-travel.com
	April 09, 2007	April 09, 2009	Active
china-air-travel.org
	April 09, 2007	April 09, 2010	Active
china-business.bz
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
china-charity.info
	July 19, 2008	July 19, 2009	Active
china-golf.us
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2009	Active
china-mba.info
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2009	Active
china-mba.us
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2009	Active
china-news-network.com
	February 01, 2008	February 01, 2009	Active
china-olympics.us
	April 09, 2007	April 08, 2009	Active
china-online.bz
	November 03, 2008	November 03, 2009	Active
china-seo-blog.com
	April 09, 2007	April 09, 2009	Active
china-seo-expert.com
	April 10, 2007	April 10, 2009	Active
china-seo.info
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
china-seo.us
	May 01, 2008	April 30, 2009	Active
china-stock-market.us
	July 08, 2007	July 08, 2009	Active
chinaseo.us
	May 01, 2008	April 30, 2009	Active
chinatravel-info.com
	January 01, 2008	January 01, 2010	Active
chinese-cooking-recipes.com
	April 10, 2007	April 10, 2009	Active
chinese-dating-site.com
	April 09, 2007	April 09, 2010	Active
chinese-search-engine-submission.com
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
chinese-translators.info
	February 14, 2008	February 14, 2009	Active
chinese-website-translation.info
	February 14, 2008	February 14, 2009	Active
chinese-website-translation.net
	February 14, 2008	February 14, 2009	Active
chinese-website-translation.org
	February 14, 2008	February 14, 2009	Active
chinese-zodiac.us
	April 09, 2007	April 08, 2010	Active
coffee-money.com
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
cultural-seo.com
	October 24, 2007	October 24, 2009	Active
culturalsem.com
	November 01, 2007	November 01, 2009	Active
culturalseo.com
	October 24, 2007	October 24, 2009	Active
culturalseo.info
	October 24, 2007	October 24, 2009	Active
culturalseo.org
	October 24, 2007	October 24, 2009	Active
dharmashack.com
	December 21, 2006	December 21, 2009	Active
digital-creativity-institute.com
	October 07, 2007	October 07, 2009	Active
discountgolf-vacations.com
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
doing-business-in-china.us
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2010	Active
eastwest-webcon.com
	January 01, 2008	January 01, 2010	Active
expat-guangzhou.com
	June 15, 2006	June 15, 2009	Active
facebooksgottalent.com
	July 05, 2008	July 05, 2009	Active
golf-hainan.com
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
golf-jobs.info
	October 31, 2008	October 31, 2009	Active
golf-seo.com
	October 20, 2008	October 20, 2009	Active
golf-vacation-packages.us
	May 01, 2008	April 30, 2009	Active
golfvacation-tours.com
	January 01, 2008	January 01, 2010	Active
google-yourself.com
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
guangzhou-expat.com
	June 07, 2006	June 07, 2009	Active
hainan-golf-tours.com
	January 01, 2008	January 01, 2010	Active
i-action.net
	November 30, 2008	November 30, 2009	Active
ifihadamilliondollars.net
	February 14, 2008	February 14, 2009	Active
instacrat.com
	June 07, 2006	June 07, 2009	Active
international-mba.us
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2010	Active
julio-fernandez.us
	October 24, 2007	October 24, 2010	Active
kids-news-network.com
	October 31, 2008	October 31, 2009	Active
kung-fu-study-china.com
	June 27, 2008	June 27, 2009	Active
Social-Media.me                active
macao-macau.info
	February 01, 2008	February 01, 2009	Active
macao-macau.org
	February 01, 2008	February 01, 2009	Active
macao-macau.us
	February 01, 2008	January 31, 2009	Active
macau-dentist.com
	April 23, 2007	April 23, 2009	Active
macau-macao.org
	February 01, 2008	February 01, 2009	Active
macau-macao.us
	February 14, 2008	February 13, 2009	Active
macau-seo-expert.com
	June 03, 2007	June 03, 2010	Active
macau-travel.us
	July 16, 2007	July 16, 2009	Active
macau-university-of-science-and-technology.com
	July 16, 2007	July 16, 2009	Active
macau-venetian.info
	February 14, 2008	February 14, 2009	Active
macro-microlove.com
	May 17, 2008	May 17, 2009	Active
map-of-china.us
	April 09, 2007	April 08, 2010	Active
micro-love.com
	May 17, 2008	May 17, 2009	Active
mission-hills-golf.com
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
one-last-thing.com
	October 13, 2007	October 13, 2009	Active
online-digital-marketing.com
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
oracle-bones.com
	September 02, 2007	September 02, 2009	Active
pizza-delivery-shanghai.com
	April 28, 2008	April 28, 2009	Active
pr-7.org
	February 21, 2008	February 21, 2009	Active
pr-china.org
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
pr-china.us
	May 01, 2008	April 30, 2009	Active
pr-release-asia.com
	October 26, 2008	October 26, 2010	Active
seo-consultant-services.info
	December 12, 2008	December 12, 2009	Active
sinotrading.us
	December 12, 2004	December 11, 2009	Active
social-media-associates.com
	December 07, 2008	December 07, 2009	Active
social-media-consulting-asia.com
	November 30, 2008	November 30, 2009	Active
social-media-consulting-china.com
	November 30, 2008	November 30, 2009	Active
social-media-release.org
	July 05, 2008	July 05, 2009	Active
socialmedia-marketing.biz
	November 01, 2008	November 01, 2009	Active
socialmedia-marketing.org
	November 01, 2008	November 01, 2009	Active
socialmedia-marketing.us
	November 01, 2008	November 01, 2009	Active
speaking-of-china.com
	October 31, 2008	October 31, 2009	Active
straight-eye-for-the-queer-guy.com
	December 02, 2007	December 02, 2009	Active
study-in-china.us
	July 05, 2008	July 04, 2009	Active
study-in-uk.info
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2009	Active
study-in-uk.us
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2009	Active
study-in-us.us
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2008	Pending Transfer
submit-your-site-to-baidu.com
	April 30, 2008	April 30, 2009	Active
sumo-golf-village.com
	February 01, 2008	February 01, 2009	Active
survivorthon.com
	July 19, 2008	July 19, 2009	Active
sustainable-business-china.com
	April 28, 2008	April 28, 2009	Active
sustainable-china.com
	April 28, 2008	April 28, 2009	Active
teach-english-in-china.org
	September 27, 2008	September 27, 2009	Active
teach-in-china.cc
	May 01, 2008	May 01, 2009	Active
teach-in-china.us
	May 01, 2008	April 30, 2009	Active
tradesourcechina.com
	February 19, 2005	February 19, 2009	Active
traditional-chinese-medicine.us
	April 10, 2007	April 09, 2010	Active
uk-online-mba-course.us
	August 16, 2007	August 16, 2009	Active
veteransatwork.com
	November 29, 2004	November 29, 2008	Suspended
villa-menorca.info
	October 17, 2008	October 17, 2009	Active
we-love-china.org
	April 30, 2008	April 30, 2009	Active
Social-Media.cn                 Actve
wholesale-golfequipment.com
	January 01, 2008	January 01, 2010	Active
yunnan-coffee.com
	November 01, 2007	November 01, 2009	Active

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Long before micro-blogging tightened its Tetris-like grasp around the throats of our blogs many of us frittered away more than one rss feed on things known as memes. For you “kids” out there–the ones who think that LinkedIn members still use Betamax (you don’t even know what that is, do ya?)–a meme is a game of blog tag. It was invented by Notewe Meme an Indian Bollywood blogger who never recovered from a crush on Aishwayra Rai and spent his days inventing ways to divert his attention from the fact that she did the nasty thing (hugged in public) that “Yak Butter Butt” Richard Gere. But, I digress….

My friend Jason, the force behind Social Media Release builder Pitchengine, tagged me and since I am desperate for the days before my mind stopped at 140 characters I am going for it: trying to wtite in complete sentences. I will tag someone else as soon as I determine who still has a blog they are updating….
1. I am the founder of Culturefish Media and several other projects, but, I’m also the chief cook and bottle washer for a lot of other stuff ( two non-profits boards and two guidance committees) for which I also don’t get paid. I am a teacher who pretty much has been in the classroom in one way or another (damn you Kintzler) 35 years! Culturefish was invented to fund CSR initiatives and to pay cancer bills for a couple of people close to me who remain afflicted. To date I have raised tens of thousands of dollars for China charities, built 7 websites for NPOs and Culturefish has donated 5,000 man-hours to China causes. I am writing two new books, starting a program for training in SEO, running 8 blogs and a internship program for Chinese CSR/Digital devotees.  I stay up until dawn and then hang upside down when I do sleep. I love social media and have been involved in it since before Jim Channon was involved with goats and I was on a think tank he started in 1978.

2. I was a poet, soldier, martial arts instructor and professional actor/director: I spent my college years at more schools than Sarah Palin, but actually graduated from a few. I am most proud of my degree in Fine Arts (writing)  and the National Endowment for the Arts Fellowship in Poetry that the panel that year accidentally awarded to me.  I have published and produced two plays, three books and a bazillion (eat your heart out Rod McKuen) poems, articles and reviews in national and international magazines. I even managed to get a few Haiku and literary translations published in Japanese (even just one monkey on one typewriter can do miracles!)…. My most remembered roles in theater were: stage director for an modern opera for the San Antonio symphony and as Phil in Adaptation a great one-act show by Elaine May.

3. I’m a Mac. I’m not a graphic designer. I have trouble drawing circles in Photoshop, but even the oval-like things look cooler on a Mac Screen. I do a lot of  SEO and could do that on an IBM, but couldn’t rag people like Jason Kintzler who thinks viral is a nickname for Microsoft.

4. I own 5,000 DVDs and a week’s change of clothes: I have moved so much as a military brat, soldier and professional expat (teacher, entrepreneur…) that I feel like the oldest living confederate widow. I am from Colorado where there are more cattle guards than cars (makes for a big state payroll all those guards)….I think people age like the picture in the attic, but stay as young as Dorian Gray if they remain teaching or learning.  I live in China and will be here likely until Bush defects to Beijing to escape the Hague or Hu Jintao thinks he and the Dalai Lama are a good match.

5. I’m am the father of three girls. It is probably why my fashion gene (I own the domain, Straight Eye For the Queer Guy) probably kicked in. I dress like Oscar in the Odd Couple, but secretly pine to be a judge on Project Runway. I’ve have never lost my honorary gay card.

6. I did individual sports: Taekwondo, Hapkido, Long Distance Running, Sex, Wrestling (they gave us $35 bucks a month if we made varsity at Boys Town High), and Swimming (I ditched wrestling practice once and sneaked into the pool area and didn’t have the balls to admit I wasn’t there to try out for the team), and Archery. I was National  Outdoorsman of the Year in 1980 having paradoxically shot lots of animals and fostered a gaggle of conservation initiatives all at once. I have more broken and aching bones than did Evil Kneivel late in his career. I love to fish and golf, but couldn’t catch a cold in a mountain stream and constantly lose my balls (ya, ya)…No, I don’t fling sharp edged sticks at Bambi anymore.

I will tag a few folks in a day or two…

Be afraid, be very afraid…

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Ya gotta laugh….

Found via Taiyun Chun on Facebook…

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English majors studying for various degrees within the Guangdong University of Foreign Studies performed four dramas last night. This year the 11th annual contest, for the first time in its proud history, braved the use of contemporary plays adapted and condensed into 23-minute masterpieces by the students, most of whom had no prior theatrical experience at any level. To add an extra challenge, they employed peers as dubbers who spoke every character’s lines in perfect synch’ with onstage cast counterparts. They built sets, designed and tailored costumes, designed and applied their own make-up and rehearsed the shows wherever they could find space for groups of 10-16 and all while attending the usual Chinese course load of 30-35 hours of class. –all this just prior to final semester examinations.

The plays were all sober American classics: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof; Desire Under the Elms; Madame Butterfly; and the not too sobering, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf. The writers had done their homework and rendered the essence of each play accessible, understandable and moving with a flair I had  not seen to date in Chinese or American students–and I have had the honor to judge speech and drama contests at countless provincial and national competitions in Asia and the U.S.. And the brief, but creative, humor-filled curtain calls that lent laughter and reprieve to a heavy night were extraordinary (Brevity is the soul of wit). And the show was emceed by beautifully articulate and professionally poised undergraduates who did not seem a bit intimidated by thousands of peers and the dozen or so VIPs in attendance.

It was easy for me to imagine the tinge of sadness I felt after the awards ceremony,  was the emotional hangover from watching suicide, infanticide and the other themes of the evening. But, it was more a combination of other things (when sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions): The visiting speaker, the man who founded the contest some 11-years ago, I had met over three years ago at a national competition he sponsored when I served as judge where one of the students in the semi-finals of that contest, a favorite of mine in a bout of depression a year later after being ignored by school officials when she cried for help (at a school far from here) took her own life;  the closing comments by the event’s founder that criticized, in typical Chinese fashion (A little more than kin, and less than kind), the performances far more than than he praised their efforts that were atypical of any college student, anywhere; a visiting judge from a consular office that I still hold liable, via acts of omission, for the murder of a young elementary teacher in Guangzhou (doubt that the sun move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt that I love); the envelope containing money as a thank you for a job the foreign teachers addressed to “Mr” while the Chinese counterparts were acknowledged by their well-earned titles) who believed extra time given to such students was gift enough and rare rewarding and priceless part of their job; the dearth of awards given to some of the plays and players (and their reactions to being passed over–sometimes creating long-felt, though invisible wounds) that will forever retain a place of special honor in the shortening hall of my memories of teaching.

Madame Butterfly

I left wanting to write an open letter to the leadership at China’s top companies and tell them that they are fishing in the wrong waters for talent–they usually interview at schools with prestigious names–and that should drop more than one line in the provincial pond at 广外 “Guangwai” University. No other school, out of the dozens I have visited has been as rife with risk-taking enthusiasm, project management skills and enviable language and cultural strength. This campus would be first on my list of places to catch self-starters who have the the traits I would seek  in an employee: motivation hunger and the ability to put to practice, in cultural context, what they have, and will, learn.

This is not a post about me, but you have to know that I have some authority, albeit limited,  to pour out praise: I have a room full of trophies from my years as a debater and interpreter of drama in High School and in College on a Presidential debate scholarship; I have taught college dramatic literature classes;  I have written and produced two plays;  I have founded two theater companies one of which is still in production; I have acted on stage in in film in over thirty professional productions and have been a stage director for everything from dinner fare to modern opera with the San Antonio Symphony, once winning a grant from the Texas Commission on the Arts and Humanities that allowed me to study and socialize for a month with  directors like Morton DeCosta (Broadway and film director of Music Man and Mame), Douglas Turner Ward (Director of the Negro Ensemble Company and Ceremonies in Dark Old Men), Joseph Chaiken (author of On Becoming an Actor and director of the Open Theater), Peter Weir (Dead Poets Society..) who was still unknown to the west and then working on a project through an Australian study grant in England, and many others…

These students were braver and far more advanced in linguistic and dramatic skills considering their level of training than I have ever been. I am proud and humbled to have been a part of an event many, like me, in attendance will remember for the rest of their lives.

What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world….

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I was speaking to Zach, “monk in the Sycamore tree“, Xiao Shuang today about events of late in Iraq. Xiao Shuang and I disagree on many things related to soldiering, patriotism and heroism, but our mutual hunger for meaningful conversation only grows when we debate.

Zach believes that losing one’s life in war or service to a national imperative is akin to dying as a result of a drug overdose or any similar free will decision of dubious moral merit. As a veteran, son of a soldier lost to war wounds and diligent supporter of post-conflict care for the needs of soldiers after their premature introductions to death and human suffering–as if there were a good time for such things.  I am emotionally unable to deny feelings of pride and admiration for warriors and even if I cannot reconcile for myself any reason or rightness for a battle in which they may have had a dubious ideology foisted upon them I support their sacrifices and bravery. Xiao Shuang provisionally acceded that it is OK for one to give up one’s life for a cause, but only a worthy one, and then only though non-violent resistance.

Xiao Shang, with a slight nod, acknowledged my feelings and left that dialogue for another time–no story is ever unfinished with us, thank goodness. He went on to query my feelings about the war in Iraq beginning with questioning whether or not I understood the cultural significance of shoes being thrown at President Bush in an Islamic country. I gave a didactic/pedagogical answer: In the Middle east the throwing of shoes is a symbol of contempt and a grave display of disrespect far weightier than the physical act appears to be (even showing someone the sole of your foot is an insult) even a culturally impaired observer.  I shared with Xiao Shuang that I had recently polled Chinese business students about the leather clad curse thrown at my nation’s leader: I asked students if they thought that the act should be classified as an act of aggression or as an expression of anger that qualified for protection as freedom of speech. The responses caught me by surprise.

My students manufactured this scenario: They likened Bush to the Prime Minister of Japan during the occupations of  Manchuria and Nanjing and made clear that the throwing of shoes in Iraq was neither freedom of expression nor a reasonable expression of anger. The former was too aggressive to qualify for protection as mere freedom of speech and the latter was not nearly an aggressive enough act in their angry estimation.

The most recent war in Iraq was likened to the war invented by the Japanese in order to justify an incursion into Manchuria to rob China of much needed natural resources. And they compared the spread of rhetoric and doublespeak about building democracy in the Middle East to the propaganda spoken by the Imperial Army’s mainland invasion leaders, those based on assertions that they were merely unifying Asia for the sake of Asia’s preservation against American influences. Visiting occupied soil, bombed and blood-stained on orders of the Bush administration, could only bring pain, anger and anguish on the citizenry and would be weakly represented by merely throwing shoes. They were openly pleased that the last chapter in Bush’s public record bore a size 10 seal of disapproval. They doubted pro-war voices that say the war won him the right to express himself through shoe tossing.

(OMBW note: Does not look like much has changed in Iraq and China Smack has a very telling article here: Chinese Reactions)

I will save debate for later by asking Xiao Shuang and maybe students, if my contract allows, what would have become of any of us had Allied Forces not interceded with force in the Pacific during WWII. I am guessing his answer will be rooted in a call for love and compassion and acceptance any current suffering as a fraction of many yet to come in lifetimes beyond this one as we progress toward “The Right Way”.

Zach digressed a bit and went on to explain that he had viewed actions of the west, directed toward China as a whole during the Olympics, as a metaphorical set of shoes; a symbol not only of contempt, but of aggression against the Chinese people. A pastor from California painted upscale hotel rooms to “give a voice to the voiceless” (Xiao, a Buddhist, says he does not want or need a second larynx donated by a vandal) during the Olympics; and  Amnesty Australia put Olympic tourists in harm’s way by asking them to act on Amnesty’s behalf  in protest of China’s Internet firewall. Xiao Shuang smiling, wondered out loud why Amnesty Australia has not concentrated on its own censorship issues.  “To spoil and politicize for the average Chinese citizen, most of whom neither know nor are affected by China’s online controls,  our time to celebrate and embrace the athletic heroes among us was a clearly a lack of sensitivity and understanding of our culture and the pride we felt for the Games.

To believe that those who are subject to censorship are simply suffering in silence or incapacitated by fear is nonsense. The Chinese people are not as docile or as compliant as the media would make them out to be. And we don’t need lectures on the virtues of western life as much as we need tools of empowerment, education, and community building. We also don’t need meaningless regime challenging exercises that only steel the resolve of those  have not outgrown the need for power. They may raise funds for the groups involved but they only fuel ignorance and hatred. For the west to rally against situations they have not fully studied is like ranting at fire because it burns.”

Today China’s navy headed out to a sea beyond its territorial borders for the first time in 600 years to battle Somalian Pirates. Zach and I will not agree on this one. I am behind the EU and China in patrolling the waters to ensure the safety of their citizens and their property.

It will be interesting to hear the mediatative musings of Xiao Shuang as the rich and poor get poorer and the girth of hungry anger expands….

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A new “instant best friend,” a term loaned to me by Paula Storti, now has made it into my personal lexicon courtesy of “Miss Xu“. Mimi is a bright and delightfully funny New Yorker who has watched too many episodes of Heroes or is one Amy Tan book over the line: she is in China to get in touch with her roots. Alex Haley would be proud of Mimi who is wholly Cantonese and completely American at once.

She is one of the few folks who met the Unsinkable Ms Yue and been been able to understand the cultural and emotional subtleties of this traditional Chinese Everymom. Ms Yue, who tries to keep secret her ongoing battle with cancer,  is one of the few people on the planet who can who can (and has) wander into a gay bar and interview the patrons about the veracity of claims to an alternate lifestyle without irking anyone.  Ms. Yue  also admits, “I no understanding,” but fearlessly encourages GLBT friends to “try, try,” just once, a straighter course…

Mimi, new to this blog, discovered a couple of old posts I thought I would combine here for re-reading. Try, try, won’t you?

I am one of those people who actually enjoys tests, especially those that challenge my verbal or reasoning skills. In basic military training, near the time of tri-corner hats and canon balls, we new recruits took a language aptitude test. It was basically an examination that determined whether or not we could make sense of an invented language. It asked us to extrapolate from one bit of seeming gobbledygook to another and then build sentences based on recurring patterns of subjects, objects and verbs. Such is learning to communicate with the unsinkable Ms Yue:

I wish I could teach my students the secret of true communication that Ms Yue has mastered. Too, I wish I could help self-absorbed colleagues understand that a lack of established vocabulary is not a lack of intelligence or sophistication and does not have to hinder a conversation. Usually I chide the expat, who knows bupkis about what is being said, for not honoring someone who probably speaks two-and-a-half languages fluently and several dialects within them, for being so ethnocentric…

Ms Yue could understand and explain Quantum Physics given enough time! Mu Mesons and Quarks might translate into something pretty hilarious, but if you were humble enough to enter her world you might actually learn something new.

Ms Yue is the bravest person I know and not because she is emotionally fighting cancer better than any patient I have ever seen in battle. But, it is because she has a fierce determination to learn, and then connect with, new worlds of information and adventure.

In contrast, my students, in the middle of a speech, will look to classmates to rescue them and find the right word for a sentence while Ms Yue will simply invent one. The students seek to have a command of English vocabulary; Ms Yue already has a command of communication skills.

One student last week stumbled through a date and ended up saying one-nine-seven-oh for the year 1970. He got the exam’s highest grade as much for his creativity, sorely lacking in Chinese college students, as his boldness. He did not reach out for help; he solved the problem himself.

Some very simple examples of Yueyinglish:

Check in = Exchange
Ki = Ticket
Laundry = Clean
This (while pointing to her heart and then mouth) and this , no same = Untrustworthy
One more = Do it again, repeat an act
The near = close to
Me the = mine
You the = yours
Where = what and sometimes who and how
You me together = we, us
The man = him, he or any person of male persuasion. The ultimate personal pronoun
Later = then, so or after
Crazy = funny, nuts, ridiculous
You wait me = Wait for me
No way = impossible, not, no
Try Try = Eat it you foreign wimp
Boy love the boy = transsexual, drag queen, effeminate man, gay
Open = take off, turn on, make use of

Now your test:

I laundry the ki so later check in no way.
I washed the ticket so there’s no way to get another one.
Together you me you me watch where the boy love the boy DVD?
Which Queer as Folk video are we watching together this time?
You the soup the pig meat xue try try no way? Try try.
You are not going to eat the pig’s blood soup I ordered you? Get over it!
The before the no same the man drink the coffee house the near wait me?
Are you going to meet me close to the place where your untrustworthy breakfast partner lives?
Open the shoes. Close the den.
Take off your shoes and turn out that light.
Where the crazy?
And what is so funny?

And all of these are accompanied by perfect facial gestures, sound effects like Cantonese tsk’ing (used for everything from displeasure to amazement), and exaggerated body language.

She bade goodbye today to a visiting fellow from Grinell College in America, a young man the age of her son, that she had come to care about and look after as though he were one of her own. Some problems, out of his control, with his visa are taking him home much sooner than expected. So, with sadness and anticipation in her voice that could bring tears to a native Yueyinglish speaker’s eyes, she simply said:

Later, one more, China. You try try, Ok?

Safe journey David. Please hurry back.

Intermediate Yue-Yinglish:

I long ago set out to catalog the elements of style in Yueyinglish a rare and unusual sub-dialect of Chinglish unique to the only surviving member of the League of Extraordinary Chinese Women. But, I had not seen Ms Yue for some time and heard her and David using an expanded vocabulary that the aspiring Yueyinglish speaker should know.

Some new vocabulary:

curse=of course

turnf the off=turn it on

turnf the on=turn it off

QQ=cute

newshin=new

long time ago=it was intolerably long

cookie the rice=prepare a meal

waidter=weather

rainling=raining

have the small?=do you have change?

you the one people go?=you are going alone?

only the talking, talking!=don’t get upset I am just discussing this with you

craysheen=insane

Seeulateragulator=later gator

OK, now for some practice sentences actually overheard in Guangzhou:

So, how was Spiderman?

Long time ago!

How about the actors?

The movie one people QQ. The girl no beautiful. Bad the man craysheen da.

I am sorry we got out so late

Only talking talking ma. I go one people home and cookie the rice.

The movie house was crowded

Yesu! The man no tunf the on the cellphone.

So you want to go with David to see another movie?

Newsheen the movie, curse! You the one people want to go?

No, David would love your company. See you later

The waidther no way! Rainling! Take a taxi. You have the small? Seeulateragulator.

For those of you anticipating your YYSL certificates: You wait me, OK?

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Is this the region, this the soil…the seat…

That we must change for Heav’n, this mournful glow

For that celestial light?

–John Milton

Paradise Lost

I was leaving a lecture last week, a welcome chill greeting me at the door of the classroom, when I heard what I thought was a rehearsal for a drama contest: a native English speaking teacher, one of the retinue of a British educational group preparing students for study abroad, was shrieking at a student some 100 meters away. Through the dementia I heard the words, “Test”, “Late” and Stupid” several times; then a door slammed shut in a violent rebuke of all I have ever held dear in teaching. The once reputable organization that recruited students for UK schools has lowered admission standards for high-paying International students and is a money making machine that pours cash from unprepared rich kids into British schools and leaves recruiters, students and weary teachers wealthier, albeit worse for the experience.  And the weave begins…

Later in the same day one of my favorite students, a senior at one of China’s top schools, phoned me. After a long silence in which I am sure he was trying to properly conjugate his emotions he whispered that he had done poorly on his Graduate Record Exam and that everything he had trained for, all the lost days of adolescence spent in test preparation, had been incarcerated in a single test score. This is the same young man who told me about well-known teachers here in China who will sell a letter of recommendation and who showed me materials handed out by “tutors” at New Oriental the publicly held cram school that pays students to sign up for and then steal US and British standardized exams and republishes and sells the questions. Many of these “learners” are those being pushed by parents to spend graduate school abroad in, what is for the student, one of hell’s circles for the duration of a degree in a field they well may loathe.

The video below amused many, but now me and is a sad example of what teaching in the cram schools can devolve into when educational carpetbaggers from the US, UK and China prey on a one-child family’s aspirations by industrializing and monetizing their dreams:

“Test-prep classes at the New Oriental School can drag on for a long, long time. To spice things up a bit, teachers were encouraged to do wake-up performances. Things started mildly enough—joke telling, maybe a rousing song—but now, we have this rather risqué dance routine, performed by a TOEFL teacher at one of New Oriental’’s Beijing campuses.” (HT to Kaiser Kuo)

Yesterday, one of my students from the past, an ebullient, artistic and wonderfully complicated young woman, emailed me for a recommendation to college in America. She has been a dutiful student at a Chinese “Ivy League” school, in a major chosen for her by the administration, only to answer the callings of a typically demanding academic mother and father. There was an uncharacteristically uncombed sound to her words, clues I may not have been meant to follow, but I did anyway. One of the gentlest spirits I have ever know and really a favorite student leaped into an uncertain eternity last year because school authorities i Macau stifled her cries for help, so I am not about to let even the most obscure hints of trouble go unchallenged.

This year twice as many “sea turtles” or Chinese student/expat returnees will fold up their foreign aspirations and come back to China in search of work because plans in light of a the west’s scuttled economy. Those that wash ashore, having been socially or financially promoted to a degree abroad, are known to their peers as “sea weed.” And their paper-bound skills, might be mistaken as useful by businesses desperate for middle managers that can help them fight this financial tsunami with newly forged swords of knowledge.

Schools like Macau University of Science and Technology, degree mills, with 2+2 and 3+1 programs ( do 2 or 3 years in China/Macau and then finish in the US or UK) with institutions like Seton Hall and Central and Eastern Michigan in the U.S. have nothing to lose save their reputations by pocketing the money ill-prepared students pay them for what should be an honorary, not earned diploma.

It is time for some real prep’ schools for authentic scholars who will benefit a world economy and not a few wealthy opportunists.

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Returning in the plane from the AdTech conference in Shanghai I remarked to a colleague that I thought blogger, author and social media icon Shel Israel to be a wonderful writer. My associate replied with “As good as you?” I was struck dumb, unable to answer as I wasn’t sure whether it was meant to be a compliment or was a ping to test the depth of my self actualization. I didn’t answer immediately and instead set about reviewing in my mind the event I had just attended and tried to solidify my thinking on a number of issues raised while in Shanghai…

Robin Li was scheduled to be the keynote speaker for the annual gathering of media, advertising and PR decision makers who come to AdTech for education, networking and the renewal of ties. Li, who has canceled his appearance at the event before, reportedly called the night before the event and announced he would not be there. Rumor has it that he phoned again later and asked if he could send a second to deliver the opening address and AdTech brass demurred because the condition was added by Baidu that there be no question and answer session.

An official statement was released by AdTech later in the morning that indicated Li had called off his speech because of a sore throat and AdTech had opted to form a panel of experts on his proposed topic rather than accept a stand-in from Baidu.

What really prompted Li’s absence is less important than the absence itself: BAidu, a NASDAQ company, under fire for alledged complicity in search result suppression for money in the Sanlu Milk Crisis, puported willful acceptance of funds (15-20% of gross ad revenue) from unlicensed pharmaceutical companies, Intellectual Property battles in court regarding music download links thought by the recording industry to be illegal and constant criticism from search engine professionals and Internet publications regarding the manner in which Baidu marks (or fails to delineate) paid ads as different from organic results. The fact that Li was not available to answer in any fashion to charges levied against the company gives credence to those who, for whatever reason, look to diminish Baidu’s powerful presence in the world’s largest Internet market. Li had a chance to answer to allegations, allay fears, and rescue credibility and revenue, but did not. I would have been there had I needed an assistant to lip-synch my remarks. But, Baidu, like many Chinese companies has not always taken the management road best traveled and did not hike it at AdTech. I heard a PR industry old-hand remark that even if their PR company had the chutzpah to issue them sound advice/ultimatums they would likely not have listened. Even the hard hit Sarah Palin, stared down an army of spin doctors and managed to put a little lipstick on the face of some very ugly remarks. She did not win the nomination for VP of the United States, but she won a great many supporters by putting up a fight.

Later on at the conference I was a member of a powerhouse social media panel where I was fortunate to share the stage with Joe Chen, Ceo of Xiaonei, Jigsaw Media Partner P.T. Black, Magdelena Wszlaki the Regional VP of Agenda Corp and Jeff Lyndon a 26 Year old VP of Interzone Futeball and already a pioneer in China online gaming. One of the questions moderator Black asked of us was to answer to a P&G executive’s recent remarks indicating that he did not see the efficacy of social media over conventional advertising. All panelists were in agreement that to shunt conversation, conversation being itself the rightness and reason for social media, is to assume that consumers are less informed about their own needs than the corporation that is pitching them. Feedback and engagement are the mediums in which we will grow excellence, social responsibility and honorable brand loyalty. We are he worst judges of our own foibles and failures no matter how bright or seasoned a veteran of any professional war we might have fought in….

As for comparing myself to Shel Israel?:  I am currently reading–and I am shamefully tardy in doing so–the book, Naked Conversations, that he and Robert Scoble penned. It is a must-read for anyone in Social Media. It is a brilliant treatise that truly stands, as stated by Chris Pirillio, as an unofficial sequel to the Cluetrain Manifesto. Shel’s genius as a writer lay in his ability to take a starched white-collar idea and transform it into a blue-collar working treatise that speaks to the needs of a diverse tribe of social medians. He is a better writer than I am and I am not less of one for acknowledging that fact. I am not afraid of conversation and while my competitive self likes winning I warmly applaud mentors and masters….

Baidu, or any company, would do well to join the party (not that one…) and join in on the many conversations, those that honor AND those that harangue, which can only make us better business people, more responsible netizens and decent global citizens.

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I have spent the last two days at China’s Bloggercon. Hundreds joined the community for lectures by Web devotees from Asia, Europe and the Americas. HKU professor of Journalism Rebecca Mackinnon described last year’s attendees as”…an exciting community of independent online writers, digital artists, media techies, entrepreneurs, educators, intellectuals, etc.” who have now attended the event for 4 years in cities across China> The event was held for the first time ever in the southern capital of Canton (Guangzhou, China) at the promising new arts venue Ping Pong Space. Thirteen dollars put you shoulder to shoulder with fellow bloggers and got you a new t-shirt as well

I will be writing more about the incredible line-up of speakers and the insights I gained at one of the most comfortable gatherings of diverse and talented people I have ever joined in on…

Many people, using the hashtags organization’s tool for microbloggers many aggregated in real-time the events of the day and they were collected and commented on here: CnBloggercon in English and in Chinese one of he sponsors did an amazing job of keeping up with the activities. And bloggers, like Cn Reviews kept an insightful eye on the events of the two days while new Online Digital Marketing and Social Media Marketing Culturefish Media Social Media PR rockstar Jason Kintzler donated a press room to keep Bloggercon at the top of the Google News rankings.

The topics ran from Internet Word of Mouth and Intellectual Property Rights to Art and Literature (Great presentation by Christopher Adam editor of  Joi Ito’s Free Souls Creative Commons book) to how to make money blogging with a mandate for listening to your social conscience va aid to Charity thrown in.

I will be posting pictures and personals lessons learned from friends, old and new, in coming days. It was one of those rare wonderful conferences to remember….

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