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Banned in Beijing: Stupid Meat and Stupid Judges….

My opera singing, voice-over specializing buddy in the states (who has a set of pipes you can hear through email) sent me an article on the boring-down of the next Supergirls style competition in China.

Chinglsh

Crying, “unhealthy songs,” non-mainstream dress, potty words, Simonesque judges who humiliate contestants and “wild hair” are a few of the things to get banned. Tears, wild hair, “low taste,” and unhealthy songs are forbidden when China’s latest version of “American Idol” goes on the air next month.

In the words of my friend: “So, where’s the fun in that?”

In related news: Beijing, actively fretting over their image, announced that its goal to wipe out Chinglish in time for the Olympics might have been a bit wistful. And nothing demonstrates that better than the name of the coming show: It will be called, “Happy Boys Voice.”

This name was infinietly preferable to the earlier and obviously much too Chinglish name, “Boys Happy Voice.” And during this sequel to ‘Super Girls Voice,” the show that drew 400 million viewers, regulators want only “healthy and ethically inspiring” songs and say the contestants should “avoid scenes of screaming fans or losing contestants in tears.” There will no overnight fame for enraptured fans here.

American Idol Crying Girl

So, back to Beijing:

“You can’t talk in absolutes,” says Liu Yang, deputy head of the Chinglish police. “We’ll work as hard as possible to extinguish the problem and get more city residents involved,” he added. “Of course, it will still happen occasionally, but I think we can ensure that once mistakes are found, they are rectified.”

And they did a good job rectifying this one: Beijing’s “Hospital for Anus and Intestine Disease”, once lit up in garish neon lights in the central business district, is now the “Hospital for Proctology”.

Again, where’s the fun in that?

How boring is restaruant food going to be of you can no longer order “Stupid Meat,” Young Chicken Without Sex,“It is small to fry the chicken miscellaneous,” “Mixed elbow with garlic mud”, huh?

The number two Chinglish Dick is still unsure as to what country wil be used as a standard for the upcoming changes: “Every country is different when it comes to English signs, like the US and Britain having varying standards,” he said.

I am not sure America will hold the linguistic high ground here: “It’s hard to say that a certain country is the only one worth relying on or considering” says word cop Liu in his best Happy Boys Voice.

…..Thanks Cypipes

Asian Humor,Censorship,China Editorials,China Humor,China Olympics,China Photos,Chinese Media,Chinglish,Confucius Slept Here,Humor,In the news,Intercultural Issues,Just Plain Strange,Photos,Travel in China,Weird China,中国

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Caption Contest…

Win an i-Bod!

Results posted one week from today!

Asian Humor,China Humor,China Photos,Humor,Just Plain Strange,Photos,中国

16 responses so far

China Photos

Gil Azouri has posted China Photos worth much more than a thousand of my words:

The Great Wall

Lijiang China

Zhongdian

Yunnan Beauty

Asia,China Photos,New Blogs,Photos,The Great Wall,中国

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So My Chinese Students Aren’t the Only Ones?

No. it is not a moment of silence for the ten-fold increase in the trade surplus with America. It is a Pic’ of National People’s Congress Representatives searching for holes in their eyelids. China Poples Congress

From China Rises.

Asia,Asian Humor,China Humor,China Sports,Humor,In the news,Photos,中国

6 responses so far

CHINGLISH SIGHTINGS

Found at The Humour Page :

Chinglish

Found at Rojacks:

Beijing sign: Forbidden: Prostitution, gambling and drag abuse!

Someone should tell this Bollywood guy:

Bollywood drag queen

Asian Humor,Bollywood,China Humor,Chinglish,Humor,India,New Blogs,Photos,中国

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Coffee Cola in China!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COFFEE COLA CHINAIdon’tkowwhyIneversawthisstuffbeforetoday.It’sbrilliant!!
TWICEhtecaffeineofordinarycola.It’slikethatBUZZBEERontheDrew
CareyshoworJOLTfromyearsback.WaitasecondwhileIitchmylegandget
myhairtolieflat.HEYIcanstandandtypewithonehand!!!!DidIsay
ithadTWICEthecaffeine???!!

So,wherewasI??

This liquid crack (NO), if it didn’t taste like vinyl on a bus seat smells (No, never up close!), would be a huge hit! It looks like a Safeway logo on the bottle I have (If it would just hold still I could read it…) and I guess is a knock-off of the stuff Coke introduced to France a couple of years ago. That was devilish, aye? The only think the French like as much as cheese and wine is COFFEE! Who has time for women when you are flying around Carrefour like a fart in a skillet?

I am sure this stuff has been souped up a bit and is already available in the prescription section of supermarket pharmacies in Japan.

I am a little disturbed that they engineered it to froth when you put it into a glass. It looks horribly like recycled Guinness (Again, NO! what’s wrong with you people?) with its flat head of foam.

My bottle, It’s Empty! It’s Empty! I want another one! Now!, was made in Beijing and probably flew down here on its own accord. Maybe they will start brewing it with Pearl River water. It will probably taste the same only chunkier.

It terrifies me that Chinese Taxi Drivers might drink and drive on this stuff….Those guys already have a variant hybrid of St. Vitus’ Dance and Turretts Syndrome; all they need now is this new artificial symptom inducer and WHOOOOOOO!!!!

Give it a try, but have paramedics on speed (ha ha) dial….I am off: I am running down the 27 flights of my stairs to the 7/11 to give this stuff a second try.

Asian Humor,China Business,China Humor,China Photos,Humor,Japan,Just Plain Strange,Personal Notes,Photos,Tibet Climb,Weird China,中国

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Sick Day

Sick in China

I will be in bed for the next 48 hours…Out of the reach of a keyboard….

In the interim here is some pic’s of one of our “Fellows” this term…let’s call it, “You know you have been a China expat too long when…”:

You can actually look contemplative wearing a garland…

David DeGeest in wonderland

When you break into a Travolta song from Saturday Night Fever because you actually bought it for 100 yuan less than the storekeeper wanted…

DeGeest as John Travolta

YOU actually believed that you kept drinking Guinness ‘casue you claimed you would look really, really, realy good in the “free hat after six pints”….Really!

David O'Leary DeGeest\

Back with SEO info’ soonish…If the Leprechaun above doesn’t murder me first….

OMBW

China Expats,China Humor,Expats,Humor,Personal Notes,Photos,Travel in China,Yangshuo China,中国

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The Handsomest Indonesian Boy in Guangzhou

Guest post by DD

On Saturday night I met the handsomest Indonesian boy in Guangzhou at the Mansion in Guangzhou, though in this picture he is happily cruising around Macau. I guess he knows how to light up all of south China.  He works at a small, high-quality bar in downtown Guangzhou as the event manager.

handsomest indonesian boy in guangzhou

Ladies and gentlemen, leave a note if you find this. And everone mention how handsome he is!

Asia,Blogroll Diving,China Editorials,China Expat,China Humor,China Photos,Chinese Internet,Chinese Media,Entertainment,Gratuitous Cheesecake,Guangzhou,Guangzhou China,handsomest indonesian in guangzhou,Humor,In the news,Intercultural Issues,Internet marketing China,Just Plain Strange,Macau,Macau Travel,Personal Notes,Photos,Seach engine Optimization,Search Engine Marketing,SEM,SEO,Seo China,SEO China Expert,Teaching in China,The Internet,Travel in China,Travel Macau,Weird China,中国,中文

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Zaijian

chinglish

Books have been virtually replaced by blogs. But, puns aside, many of them showcase the transformative elements Pablo Neruda* suggests as essential to written art in Ars Magnetica:
“From so much loving and journeying, books emerge.

And if they don’t contain kisses or landscapes,
if they don’t contain a woman in every drop,
hunger, desire, anger, roads,
there are no use as a shield or as a bell:
they have no eyes and won’t be able to open them….”

Here I have I have tried to smooth the stubble of memory, share poetry, attempt humor, journal my social conscience, and reconcile my longings while shoutng to you in some far-off room. I leave here absolutely bewildered that anyone, other than my long-suffering friends, ever returned to listen. I am grateful you did.
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American Poet in China,American Professor in China,Beijing Olympics,Cancer Journal,Censorship,Charity in China,China Book Reviews,China Business,China Business Consultant,China Cartoons,China Editorials,China Expats,China Humor,China Law,China Photos,China web 2.0,Chinese Education,Confucius Slept Here,Entertainment,Expats,Guangzhou,Guangzhou China,Hainan Island,Hong Kong,Hong Kong Blogs,In the news,Intercultural Issues,Just Plain Strange,New Blogs,Photos,Teaching in China,The Great Firewall,The Sharpest Guy on the Planet,The Unsinkable Ms Yue,Travel in China,UK SEO EXPERT,Weird China,中国,中文

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