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Twitteronandonandon: A Twelve Step Program for Compulsive Micro-Bloggers

I happened to see a note twish by me the other day by one of the new young guns in the China Blogosphere. He expressed concern that if he engaged in a ridiculously fun and multicultural exchange about ethnic differences in emoticons that it might affect his image. He had to be, as a budding new ad exec’, cognizant of his “personal branding.” Imagine that: using social media to actually socialize or have fun–the nerve!   ( ̄ー ̄)   I do apologize if they offended anyone

m(_ _)m

I have watched the micro-musings of the people our vigilant young executive follows and subsequently “twits up to”: they are primarily people known to others obsessed by new social media tools by as the “Twitterati” or the elite and best informed new media types on the net. Poo.

Guys like Owyang and Kawasaki are pushers!!! (check out Guy’s pic on Twitter for a look at his 70’s pimp/dealer boa if you don’t believe me!) and they both pay a million virtual monkeys using a million computers to pound out a million tweets in hopes of a single retweet in the NYT. As an aside: Owyang has become a pro at slipping in tweetle doses of infomercials that lull you right into thinking you should go back to that site he mentioned and pay money to criminally investigate that anorexic retired mailman next door whose name may very well have showed up on some perv’ list–while you are in your boxers (or worse), jazzed on coffee, listening to a podcast, twittering, skyping and stalking him through the kitchen window all at once…

Now, I have a lot of respect for guys like Chris Brogan who can tweet an Irishman under the keyboard. This guy can handle his social media! And I am a huge fan of the naked conversations of Shel Israel who has the chutzpah to actually talk about enjoying a date with, brace yourself, his wife. To Jim Turner: You gotta quit writing stuff people can actually use. Someone may think you take this seriously! And ya gotta love tweets in a French accent by Loic…and it is like waiting for fake fireworks at the opening ceremonies when Captains Scoble or Arrington go in search of the Great Fail Whale…

Once, long ago, I remember wishing I was a florid alcoholic (and don’t think I did not try!) so I’d have a group I could share my joys and sorrows with…And when I got sucked into a conference net in 1978 I thought I had found a virtual home. And then Twitter–and its sophisticated and server friendly interface–came along and all five of us using it got along great! Now, with 3 million people shooting 140 intercontinental ballistic characters across borders daily its a little noisy and not a little dangerous sometimes in there…Still, as an expat it is the closest I can get to an English speaking coffee clatch, but I digress…

We need a flesh and blood group!–a tweet-up without computers!–where we can actually press the flesh (I heard that Bloggess!) and  sǝʌlǝsɹno ʇɥƃıɹ. I propose this for my advertising “friend” and others:

TWITTERONANDONANDON!

BLOGONANDONANDON
If you answer yes to three of any of the questions below you just MIGHT be a compulsive blogger and a candidate for twitterononanonandon (IF you take this post seriously, I have another group for you…):

  • Do you lose time from work due to your tweeting?
  • Is tweeting making your home life unhappy?
  • Do you tweet because you are shy with other people?
  • Is tweeting affecting your reputation
  • Do you tweet and re-tweet for fear being left out?
  • Have you ever felt remorse after a tweet?
  • Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of your tweeting?
  • Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when tweeting?
  • Does your tweeting make you careless of your family’s welfare?
  • Has your ambition decreased since tweeting?
  • Do you crave a tweet at a definite time daily?
  • Do you want to tweet the next morning?
  • Does tweeting cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
  • Has your efficiency decreased since tweeting?
  • Is tweeting jeopardizing your job or business?
  • Do you tweet to escape from worries or troubles?
  • Do you tweet alone?
  • Do you claim to be a “Social Media Evangelist” when you were just converted from selling adwords to dentists only a year ago?
  • Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of your tweeting?
  • Has your physician ever treated you for tweeting?
  • Do you tweet to build up your self-confidence?
  • Have you ever been in a hospital or institution on account of tweeting?
  • do you need just one more little tweet even when your friends say they have had enough?

I am headed to the States soon and wil be happy to meet with you about starting a group. Drop a note here or better yet:

tweet me @lonniehodge

E-DIOT

With apologies to my good friends at AA, NA, CA, ACA, ALANON…

ONE TOO MANY BATTLES OF THE BLOG

This was a slight re-hash of an old post on blogging–for those of you new to the net blogging was a phenomenon from the days of Dinosaurs and Celine Dion–those of you who recognize it, thanks for bearing with me….

Humor,Just Plain Strange,Personal Notes

7 responses so far

7 Responses to “Twitteronandonandon: A Twelve Step Program for Compulsive Micro-Bloggers”

  1. Jenny, Bloggesson Sep 7th 2008 at 8:07 am

    My name is thebloggess, and I have a problem.

  2. gswaffordon Sep 7th 2008 at 8:31 am

    Thanks for the morning chuckle, Professor.

  3. Meg Stivisonon Sep 7th 2008 at 11:57 am

    “Do you tweet because you are shy with other people?”

    Well of course! Isn’t that why blogging was invented?!?

  4. Jeremiah Owyangon Sep 7th 2008 at 4:41 pm

    I got a real good laugh out of this post, thanks for that. I’m no pusher, but the first tweet is always free. (you gotta pay for the subsequent ones) heh

  5. Chinamatton Sep 11th 2008 at 3:30 am

    I don’t so much lose time at work as I do kill time while at work.

    And have fun in the states. Bring back an IHOP or kosher deli for me while you’re there.

  6. lesliemlon Jan 16th 2009 at 9:23 am

    hi, my name is Leslie, and I’m an addict…. *hanging my head in shame*

  7. Wendyon Mar 13th 2009 at 9:17 pm

    I can give up anytime I want to 😉

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